Monthly Archives: November 2011

Like a dog owner in the park

Just 7 days after grinding out a hard-earned point against table-topping Billericay, Wealdstone were brought back down to earth with [insert cliche here].

For 40 minutes the hosts pissed over Canvey, streaming forward playing attacking football with panache and smart interchange play.  But crucially, without cutting edge.  Cutting edge has to be defined as the ability to finish and if Wealdstone’s first 40-minutes was a porn film then the money-shot was somewhat lacking!

A good opening goal from ever reliable captain Wes Parker gave Wealdstone a commanding 1-0 lead, and when Jolly headed home for what seemed like 2-0, it seemed like a regulation home win. Then came the flag. Jolly’s goal was chalked off and suddenly within 5-minutes it was a different game.

Booked for diving just 5 minutes earlier, the Dean of Ruislip went in for a 50:50 challenge. And lost. And out came a second yellow. And off he trudged.

Dean trudges off after dismissal

On came the abuse. The typical gestation expected at Wealdstone these days when the referee royally f*cks up the occasion. If anything, yes, justified it was a “tad” harsh.

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All aboard the non-league bus

Alright all,

Thanks for tuning in.  Few house rules:

1. This is my view on all things Wealdstone FC.  I’m not one to bum lick and I will say what I think.  I don’t intend to do a Worzel Gummidge and get splinters up my arse from sitting on the fence – I will give my opinion.  At the same time, I respect opinions of others and accept that, once in a while, I may not always be right lol (laugh out loud to those not living in this century!).  To clarify this is my view only.

2. There will be colourful language. I’m 25 for fucks sake. I don’t always swear but where appropriate, an occasional “fuck” or “bugger” may be thrown into the body text – if this offends you, in the Queen’s English I am dreadfully sorry!

3. I’m here to make it interesting. I hope. I can’t give an example, give me a chance and I’ll demonstrate over time.

a dog at Billericay

4. Just to delve slightly into my background – born in 1986, in Harrow, always lived here. Used to get taken to Wealdstone matches at Lower Mead by my, by then, balding father. He still takes me. He’s still balding. Some things never change. I didn’t used to enjoy it at first, I fucking hated it.

By the early-90s, he would take me to Harrow town centre to buy a Disney video if I agreed to watch Wealdstone. I watched 90 minutes of by now, absolute drivel, and moaned relentlessly about wanting to go home and watch Sing Along songs. I persevered.  I remember Yeading. That was bollocks. I remember everyone singing in the stands and me screaming telling everyone to shut up. I was only about 7 or 8. Fuck knows. This time is often referred to as the nomad years. I don’t really remember much else about it. Other than my old man was still balding and Wealdstone were in the Beazer Homes or some shit irrelevant league like that.

Fast forward to Edgware. I remember seeing some useless carthorse players – by now I’m 10(ish), Steve Croad comes to mind. Carthorse. Still don’t really have a scoo what the phrase means but learnt pretty quick that my Dad would attach it to any player who would struggle to out run a hedgehog.

Steve Croad : Carthorse

I remember players everyone used to suck off. Chris Walton. Reliable. Paul McKay. Reliable. Then there was that fat oath Lee Walker. He always got sucked off too. He had some kind of cult aura that was confirmed when I think around ’99 on the final day of the Ryman Div 1 third placed finished campaign, he flicked the ball up in the air and volleyed a peach into the top corner. That was worldy. He should of just walked off after that. He was never gonna better that.

I enjoyed watching Wealdstone a lot for a few years after that. The team was exciting. There were some very capable players. For the first time I was actually going and thinking “this is alright”. I remember the night at Dulwich as well, 3 May 04. That was probably a highlight. It was around that time I felt like I was going to watch “proper football.” A lot of people were turning up and the atmosphere was good. Players like Beckford and Morgan went through the team and out the other side to better things.

I lost interest in the Northwood years. Players like Wayne “the carthorse” Carter did little to entice my interest. I remember turning up to one game with that Russell Ling fella in goal, I think it was against Hendon… needless to say, Hendon scored more times in a few minutes than Wayne Rooney in a seedy brothel. Maybe a 5-4 defeat.. I can’t remember, it wasn’t worth remembering. At that time it had, what I’d imagine to be, the similar excitement levels of Alan Shearer discussing his favourite samples of carpet. Shit.

Throughout all this time, my old man was still going. Coming home. Logging onto the forum. Sitting in the living room, mincing his words with pop idols on in the background, talking rubbish about Wealdstone ha ha. I liked his enthusiasm. He drove me back.

Needless to say, I’ve always maintained a vague interest, dipping in and out every now and then- this season though, I’ve made a more concerted effort. I’ve been to 90% of the home and away games and even got a group of mates to come down. Sky give the tagline, Football is better in HD… I think Wealdstone is better with mates. My dad still goes, but I find the fan banter is more appreciated when I’m with a group of 20-somethings rather than me old man.

5. Why have I set this up?

I’ve tried, in vain, to get myself onto the forum. I haven’t been accepted. I’m not entirely sure why – but I won’t fault the effort of those who maintain it, because it always is a good read – even if I can’t add my mumblings to it. By trade I am a Web Content Manager but I have recently undertaken a couple of diplomas. One in Criminology. One in Journalism. I like writing,  I like ranting, and if you ask my mates, I probably like talking shit. So here you can find all three – with one shared thing in common: Wealdstone FC. [as at January 2013, I am happily a member of the Stones forum but don’t post – why? I don’t know. I love the read though. I might post one-day!]

Enjoy.

Kev.

P.S. I don’t know how frequent my contributions will be – obviously if this is well received I will make more effort. 

Below is a poll of forgotten oaths of the past 20 years. Not all were necessarily out-and-out oaths but have been labelled so because they were forgotten or disappeared into the midst of time. I’m sure there’s many I’ve forgotten!